Special time

We've been trying to implement something called the affection prescription with the children in the last few months. It's much easier said than done, and we're currently taking it in the spirit of the idea rather than follow it to the letter. The basic principle is about ensuring that you are spending quality, child-led time with each of your children individually. The prescription is for 10 minutes first thing, 20 minutes in the afternoon and 10 minutes in the evening, which doesn't sound like much on paper, but the practicalities of daily life mean that it's very much a work in progress here... the main problem being that the ratio is often one adult to both children, and quality time usually means something different to each of them, so unless we're both around, it can be a challenge.

One thing we have consistently implemented, however, is 10 minutes of quality, child-led time for each of them at the very beginning of their bedtime routines. We alternate children each day, and it's entirely up to them what we do, the only rule being no screentime. The reason that this is on my mind today is that Tiny gave me a bit of a wake-up call this evening. I do most of the DIY and gardening in our household, and I'm really bad at letting the children help. Tiny, in particular, often wants to be given jobs to do, and my difficulty is I'm often rushing to get something done, and his involvement makes things take twice as long. I had a fairly heavy job to do in the garden this afternoon, and Tiny's idea of helping involved frequently picking up tools that were definitely not appropriate for a 3 year old, tripping over and breaking something, scattering compost everywhere, and getting bored and wandering off, meaning that I then needed to stop and supervise whatever else he decided to do. As a result I feel like I spent most of the afternoon nagging him and telling him to stop something or put something down.

So, when it came to Tiny's ten minutes of being able to do whatever he wanted, what did he choose? Faced with the promise of me indulging him in any toy, game or book in the house, he asked to go back outside for another ten minutes of helping me shovel earth from one place to another. We had a great time... we didn't accomplish a whole lot, but because I wasn't feeling the pressure of finishing the task in the same way, I could somehow relax a lot more about it. And as I was getting him ready for bed, he asked if, when he woke up in the morning, we could do some more 'gardening'. I ended up feeling like the worst parent in the world for spending so long moaning at him when it was clearly so important to him to join in and it just served to highlight to me how different our children's perspectives on things can sometimes be.

So, as my next step in implementing the affection prescription, I'm going to resolve to enjoy the ride a little bit more. There will always be jobs where speed is of the essence, but there will also be some where it really isn't. And where I can, I'm going to let the children join in and help. If doing so means that a fifteen minute job takes an hour, then I'm just going to try and shift my focus from the outcome to the process, and I'll even try not to nag too much along the way.