Living the theory

In my last post I wrote about the drama triangle and the way it can play out during conflict in our household. I'm pleased to say that things have generally been feeling a bit calmer over the last couple of weeks (touch wood!) which I think we've all needed. This has also given me some space to give a bit of thought to another role of the drama triangle in our interactions. All children display big emotions from time to time. I remember reading something in the past about the reason that the 'oh, all children do that' comment in relation to adopted children and behavioural challenges wasn't helpful was because it failed to take into account the intensity and frequency of the behaviour or emotions, which is often much greater. Certainly from my point of view, it also leads to me feeling that my concerns are being dismissed and that I'm not being listened to or supported in how I feel. This is also how our children can end up feeling if we fail to listen to and ac...

The drama triangle is not a new concept to me. It's one I'm familiar with from my training days and in my professional life. As professionals we are taught how easy it is to enter into the rescuer role, and to see the people we are working with (who are often vulnerable in one way or another) as victims. The difficulty with this is that we are then instantly doing things to or for them, rather than with them, and are not empowering them to do things for themselves, which inhibits their ability to make lasting changes in their situations. In a recent training I attended (more on that in another post), the drama triangle was applied to adoption, and specifically to supporting a child who exhibits challenging behaviour.  I won't go into the detail of the theory, as there's plenty of easily accessible information out there about it, but in short, it represents a model of unhelpful communication within relationships or situations, where people fall, or are drawn, into one of...