Sibling issues

We’re having sibling issues at the moment. Or more specifically, Little is having sibling issues.

We’ve had a massive increase in CPV and violence towards Tiny from her in the last couple of weeks and we’re at a loss as to how to stop it. It’s always triggered by the same thing - Tiny getting something she sees as unfair. Saturday’s outburst was triggered by him having a play date (she has play dates all the time, this was his second ever!). Sunday’s was triggered by him using my computer (they’re allowed an hour each for games at the weekend and she’d already had her turn).

She was intent on hurting us and him, constantly running off looking for new missiles to throw at us then running back with a grin on her face. She ripped up and knocked over things he had made and would not let up shoving her face in his and intimidating him. It culminated with me and him locked in the bathroom while she tried to bash the door down with his toy guitar, and then, when she’d eventually run out of steam, him watching the iPad sat in our big laundry basket (his favourite place to hide when we play hide and seek) while I calmed and repaired with her. Far from ideal for any of us.

I have no idea how to fix it. We’re big fans of all things Brian Post but his ‘you’re not going to die’ formula just elicits an eye roll and and a bored ‘I know’ from her. When we wonder with her when she’s calm, she’s able to say that she misses the one-on-one time she used to get before he started in reception in September, when we were dropping him at nursery and then walking her to school and picking her up on her own. We’ve empathised and built in one-on-one time with her elsewhere in her routine but that’s not doing the trick either. Their school is fabulous and supportive so I’ve spoken to them to see if they have any ideas, and we’ll also bring it up in our GBB mentoring. I think deep down she’s really worried that we love him more and it’s just so hard to know what to do to keep him safe when she’s being violent towards him without perpetuating that idea. 

The other thing is that we’re hitting a couple of significant anniversaries at the moment. It’s the time of year that they both moved to us. They’ve also been with us almost exactly as long as they were with their foster carers so I wonder if subconsciously she thinks that’s as long as they stay in any family. School also wondered if she’s feeling resentful of the ease with which he seems to have settled in there, given she struggled with a lot of things when she first started. 


Hopefully between us we can come up with something as at the moment no-one’s happy and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep everyone safe.

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